Donald Trump and his butthole mouth have been on an epic failure tour this week, even by his standards, and it’s pretty obvious he’s shaving points. No need for foreplay, let’s cut right to the chase:
- His tax returns show he is either a despicable crook, has a fabulous accountant, or both!
- He went on an early morning Twitter binge/campaign that was the perfect marriage of Cory Montheith’s drug habit and Genghis Khan’s warmongering. All in the name of fat shaming his former Miss Universe who I think he secretly wants to bang into the stratosphere
- He’s been making out with Cuba
- His foundation is a fucking sham
- He’s doubled down on being a prick to women
Each of these things is even par for the course of his campaign, but the fact they keep happening at all, at the clip they are, is a lot like a college kid tanking free throws, or a boxer ducking punches. Trump is clearly on the take.
No real candidate would hire the pieces of shit he’s hires to run his campaign. He cycles through incompetent campaign managers the way McDonalds cycles through your digestive track (rapidly, in case you didn’t catch my diarrhea pun).
We’ve seen this before. We saw it in Major League, when Rachel Phelps put together a cast of shitty players to get the team to move only to have them win. We saw it with Scooby Doo cartoons when the kids would screw everything up but somehow catch the guys in the end. And we saw it with The Simpsons when Lisa and Burns go into business and oh my god Trump is going to win this fucking election, isn’t he?