There Is No War On Christmas You Fucking Idiot

filthy-animals-final

The next Precident (sic burn) of the United States has gone out in public and talked about being able to wish people Merry Christmas again. Well here’s a newsflash son: The ability to wish people Merry Christmas never went away because there isn’t a war on Christmas. It’s just made up bullshit from people who love being the victim.

Are you aware of how I know there isn’t a war on Christmas? It’s because I’m not a fucking idiot.

“Merry Christmas.”

turn-down-gif-op

Holy shit.  How did I get away with it? What will people think???

There isn’t a more made up war in the world than the fake war on Christmas people who love Christmas and love being a dumb asshole like to pretend is happening.

Are you aware of how big an asshole you are if someone wishes you Happy Holidays and you correct them or call them out for not saying Merry Christmas?

You’re the biggest asshole and I hope Santa or your mom gives you a War on Christmas. That’s a move I just made up where Santa and/or your mom take a dump in your stocking and when you reach in it’s worse than coal. Can we get that listed on Urban Dictionary, someone who is better at things than me?

Just be glad people said something pleasant to you, because they could have easily stole your wallet and called you a worthless cocksucker and forced you to eat old dog shit on the west side of the driveway in your Grandma’s front yard next to the neighbor’s bushes, you ungrateful fuck. Thing about that next time you want to start an inquisition about something so trivial.

I’m not going to wish you Merry Christmas. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas. It’s that I don’t like you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Tremendous Business Acumen

trump-shit
“This manure is really unfair!”

Here’s a thing I’d like to point out because I’m a dumb asshole and I like to stir the pot.

Trump recently settled a lawsuit for Trump University for $25,000,000.

You don’t settle a lawsuit for $25,000,000 because you think you have a case.

Continue reading “Tremendous Business Acumen”

Balancing The Scales

So much has happened in the last 48 hours politically and basebally and I’ve been remiss in getting anything into print because I had some real life happening.  I had clients in town for a night and we did the whole hang out thing, and tonight I got stuck at work until 9:30. I’m not saying this to complain.

I’m saying this because more so than ever before, this election has captivated our lives like a hit drama, because it’s a drama that hits your dick and keeps punching. I stepped out of the game for two nights so I could handle my business, and I missed a lot of stuff.

Here’s the point. You don’t care. You will still either be reading this, or like almost everyone else in the world, not read this. If you read it, hopefully the image of the election nut punching someone is funny enough to get a chuckle out of you because dick punches are never not funny, but it’s easy to forget that more than likely, at least for the first little while, whoever gets elected is just going to be the next president and likely your life isn’t going to change too much either way.

All the people saying that Trump is the devil are probably speaking in hyperbole and all of the people saying Hillary will ruin this country I have a news flash for you and that news flash is that it’s probably not going to be as bad as you think. You’re probably still not going to get laid enough, you won’t have enough money and your hair will still turn gray. Your kids will still move out and never call and every time you hear Cats in the Cradle you’ll shed a little tear and wish that instead of paying so much attention to this election you would have made that little bastard do more chores. No free rides. Get that kid off the game system and put him to work.  You too. Put down the phone and spend some time with those who matter before they realize how big of an asshole you are and stop coming ’round.

But keep reading my site.  It’s great reading material for the shitter and your kids can wait. They’re just little assholes like their father, anyway.

A-Gon Takes Stand

I read an article on FoxSports.com today about Adrian Gonzalez and his choice not to stay at Trump Tower in Chicago earlier this year presumably because he’s a man of principal and oh yeah because Trump hates Mexicans and while Trump may get money to build a wall, A-Gon be god damned if he gets a dime from him staying at his 2 star hotel.

The important thing is it’s yet another example of a big name athlete taking a peaceful but forcible stance on an important topic. He made a decision, and stuck to his convictions. And while the article was admittedly vague and may have had nothing to do with Trump and everything to do with a relentless escort plying her trade in the bar, Gonzalez said he had his reasons.

“I had my reasons.” – Adrian Gonzalez

Continue reading “A-Gon Takes Stand”