5 Million

The Cubs had 5,000,000 people show up for the parade, which means we’ve identified 5,000,000 losers.

Thanks for self-identifying.



2016 MLB Playoffs: LAD vs. CHI


Can you imagine the pressure the Cubs would have had coming back to Chicago tied with the Giants? They were two errors from a guy who committed only 11 errors all season away from having a deciding game five.

This is a really tough series to predict, in my opinion. I think the Dodgers have under performed this year. I know they had the issues with Kershaw being injured. And during that time everyone stepped up. Puig had a really big issue (demotion) but he seems to be back – whether or not he’s playing to potential remains to be seen.

The Cubs on the other hand, are the Cubs. They have over 100 years of negativity and the expectations of a fan base they are trying to overcome that is probably higher than the Patriot’s undefeated bid and the 2004 Red Sox combined.

These teams played seven times this season, with Chicago taking the series advantage, 4-3. Games were competitive, including three shutouts (Two by LA). Despite having experience from a veteran standpoint, both teams are in somewhat uncharted territory playing in the NLCS.

It comes down to only a few things. Both teams rely on the big play. I’ve listened to probably 40 games for each team this year, and it’s been big home runs, top notch pitching and solid fielding that have kept them competitive. Not surprising, those are keys to every winning team. But in the playoffs, sequencing is huge. And both teams have the pitching to screw up sequencing. (What I mean is, you might get four batters in a row to go 2-4, but if they don’t get those hits in the same inning, you get shut out.) AND, both teams have relied on one to two big innings of sequencing all season.


Now Chicago scored a lot of runs this year, and I think the LAD pitchers can neutralize some of the Cubs’ power. But based on their season averages, the Dodgers rely on that second and third time through the order to really put up some production. Again, sequencing will be huge.

On paper it’s a pretty even series. But I give the edge to Chicago. I think managerial staff will have a huge play in this, too, and Madden has proven to be in a league of his own. I hate the Cubs. I hope the Dodgers win. I hope it goes seven games to make Cubs fans sweat. But I begrudgingly pick the Chicago Cubs to meet Cleveland in the World Series.

2016 MLB Playoffs: CLE vs. TOR


Cleveland and Toronto open in a just a few hours. Based on my completely bogus method above, which allowed me to go 4-2 predicting the winners thus far, I’m going to go with Cleveland as the winner.

Both teams have solid pitching, but I’m giving the edge on the bullpen to the Indians. They only played four times in 2016, and they split. Looking at the vs. stats is kind of pointless because one of those games was a 17 to 1 ass kicking with the Tribe taking the business end of that sodomizing.

Toronto does not have the patience that Cleveland has displayed. No one in the league had more walk off wins in 2016 than Cleveland, and no team pissed me off more this year than Cleveland. Last year, Toronto gave me that feeling all season, and once the Royals beat them, I knew they would win everything. I feel that way this year about this series. I just have a feeling that whoever comes out of here is going to win, and because they’ve had luck on their side, they’ve shown resilience and restraint all season, and their pitching has a slight edge, Cleveland will be the AL Champs in short order. In fact, I’ll be surprised if it takes them more than five games.

Ultimately, I just want more games like we’ve had. This has been an incredible post season all ready, and I can’t wait to see more drama, more clutch hits and more late inning heroics. I LOVE BASEBALL!!!! FUCK THE CUBS!!!!

So Long, Stinktown

Giants lost, which means I lost my first series of the post season.

Poor Crawford.  Two errors that lead to runs. Denny Matthews said it best. “Sometimes, it’s just your year.” And some days you throw two baseballs into the stands/bullpen and cost your team the season.

I’ll offer good luck to the Cubs, but clearly they already have it, so instead of luck here’s a big middle finger because I hate you. Here’s hoping they play 14 more games. (And lose.)

Can You Feel It, Chicago?

It’s got to be lurking.

Can you feel it?  Does it make the hairs on your neck stand up? Is there an empty, anxious feeling in your stomach?

Do you feel helpless? Restless? Unsatisfied? Do you feel like your world is spinning out of control?

You had the lead. All you had to do was close it out. But then a hit here, a hit there. Pretty soon it feels like in the summer, after a week of rain when you sit outside and just can’t get the mosquitoes to leave you alone. A big hit and now you have a game four.

It’s the top of the 8th as I write this. Are you scared? Does your faith in this team of destiny waiver? If the Giants close you out tonight, how do you cope tomorrow?

It’s your year you said! We’re a team of of destiny. It’s going to happen! And Zobrist just made it interesting as I go to deadline.

But, has it been shaken?  Has your faith wobbled just a bit?  Did you get just a seed of doubt?  A tinge of concern? Because Toronto and Cleveland are more complete and frankly, just better teams than San Francisco.  Do you have the resilience?

Do you have a backup plan?

2016 MLB Playoffs: SF vs. CHI


This is a dream series.  As of deadline, it’s 0-0 in the sixth inning. Pitching is going to rule this series, which is funny because I compared bats above. I think this series has to go five games. Likely, San Francisco will win because it’s an even year and the closer the Cubs get to elimination the worse their heads will be. Like, I can’t wait to see what type of shit they do and what type of head cases they become.  And the fans? I can’t wait to see what the fans do. You thought it was bad with Bartman? This is a whole new level, because this year the fans had entitlement. They had a true winner.  They had the curse breaker on their side. Well eat shit, Cubs fans.  You’re going down some how.  I don’t know how for sure, but I’ve been waiting with delicious anticipation all season and I can’t wait to see if unfold.

Note: I hate the Cubs and Yankees.  Do something about it.

Second Note: By the way, I keep showing these fun little Excel charts and doing a completely unscientific method of guessing who will win. This is an example of the Cubs having an offensive advantage according to my phony bologna system, yet I’m picking the Giants. Same way about the Royals last season.  Computers couldn’t figure out how they won, because according to modeling they should have been about 12 games worse. But sometimes it’s your year, and this year is an even year and I hate the fucking Giants, too, so they will probably win the whole…fucking….thing, Jake Taylor style. Okay, bye.