Is Trump Shaving Points?


Donald Trump and his butthole mouth have been on an epic failure tour this week, even by his standards, and it’s pretty obvious he’s shaving points. No need for foreplay, let’s cut right to the chase:

Each of these things is even par for the course of his campaign, but the fact they keep happening at all, at the clip they are, is a lot like a college kid tanking free throws, or a boxer ducking punches. Trump is clearly on the take.

No real candidate would hire the pieces of shit he’s hires to run his campaign. He cycles through incompetent campaign managers the way McDonalds cycles through your digestive track (rapidly, in case you didn’t catch my diarrhea pun).

We’ve seen this before. We saw it in Major League, when Rachel Phelps put together a cast of shitty players to get the team to move only to have them win. We saw it with Scooby Doo cartoons when the kids would screw everything up but somehow catch the guys in the end. And we saw it with The Simpsons when Lisa and Burns go into business and oh my god Trump is going to win this fucking election, isn’t he?


Trump Really Wants To Bang Machado


Donald Trump really wants to bang Alicia Machado and I know this because there was a kid named Shane in fifth grade who would walk around and punch girls in the face. One day I asked Shane why he hit girls and he said “I only hit the ones I like”.

So clearly Trump wants to bang the shit out of Machado. It’s elementary, Watson.

I’m like Wikipedia Brown over here.

Photo Disclaimer: I borrowed this image from a google search from like US News or something but the hearts are all Donald. Dude just radiates love and affection. So just remember, when Donald punches you in the face, and goes on a five AM Twitter binge, it’s only because he loves you and wants to give you the good sex.