PETA Is Fucking Stupid And Smart

Alicia Silverstone is a huge celebrity supporter of PETA.  I guess you can support whatever you want and that’s great, but recently she became the subject of a confusing ad for, apparently, fighting the horrible wool industry.

In case you were wondering about what and where wool comes from, it’s fucking sheep hair. You give a fucking sheep a haircut, and then you make a coat or a merkin out of it. That’s it.

Is it cruel?  I don’t know. Is it fucking cruel when the barber gives you a sick ass fade that makes your friends want to be you? Because that’s what we’re talking about here.

Now I think sex sells as much as the next person. But I don’t get it. Saying wool is a problem is literally the same thing as saying haircuts are bad. And her hair looks pretty fucking coiffed in this picture:

PETAAliciaSilverstoneWOOL
I think this came from People.com or something. I just did a Google search. It doesn’t matter, no one reads this site anyway.

Either she really wanted an excuse to show her ass, or someone’s pulled the wool over her eyes AND HOLY FUCK I JUST MADE THAT JOKE! KAPOW! I’ll be here all week, try the sheep sandwich on PETA bread. WHAT!?!!? I’M ON AN ALL TIME HOT STREAK OVER HERE!

TURN DOWN GIF OP.gif

Seriously, if PETA shows you a picture of a sheep missing a bunch of skin it’s a lie. It’s actually more dangerous to not shear sheep. They get too much wool and they can overheat, among other bad things. What would you rather do? Walk around like this:

wooly-sheep
Look at this fucking pasture marshmallow.

Or would you rather step out on the town like this smooth mother fucker with the sick fade:

sheered sheep.jpg
I’m a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad man.

THE SHEEP JOKES ARE SHEAR GENIUS!  **world explodes**

Let’s get real for a second.  I grew up on a farm. Wool is hot as fuck. Sheep don’t mind getting their shear on, and it doesn’t hurt them any more than shaving your head. It probably hurts less than waxing, but Alicia was facing the wrong way and is evidently saving that for a different ad.

In summation, do not wax your sheep, and please, for their safety, please shear their wool regularly. It keeps them cool and then my brother can’t use his Velcro gloves. That’s a sex with sheep joke about my brother for those counting at home.

I’M THE KING OF JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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