Tremendous Business Acumen

trump-shit
“This manure is really unfair!”

Here’s a thing I’d like to point out because I’m a dumb asshole and I like to stir the pot.

Trump recently settled a lawsuit for Trump University for $25,000,000.

You don’t settle a lawsuit for $25,000,000 because you think you have a case.

So even though he didn’t lose, technically, and he didn’t have to admit to fucking a bunch of people out of money, it’s pretty clear he was going to lose and it was suddenly much cheaper to pay TWENTY FIVE MILLION DOLLARS than it was to keep fighting. Because Trump University was a snake oil scam.

I know this because I’m not a fucking idiot, but just to prove how much I know, here’s a couple of facts.  These aren’t opinion. These are facts that actually happened. You can have an opinion that he is a great business man, but your opinion would be wrong and you would be wrong.

  • This was not an instance of Trump lending his name.  He was a 93% shareholder.
  • Trump University officially launched in 2005.
  • Trump claims to be a real genius at real estate.
  • The subprime mortgage practice really stepped on its own dick about the middle of 2006, when home values plummeted. Look at this beautiful fucking bar chart someone made:
subprime_mortgage_originations_1996-2008
A Beautiful Fucking Bar Chart

By National Commission on the Causes of the Financial and Economic Crisis in the United States – Final Report of the National Commission on the Causes of the Financial and Economic Crisis in the United States, p.70 figure 5.2, Public Domain, Link

  • As you can see from the beautiful fucking bar chart above, in three consecutive years there were massive spikes in the subprime market, peaking at 23% of all mortgages. That means almost one in four of all house loans were dangerous, subprime adjustable rate mortgages. Adjustable rate mortgages (ARM) mean the home owner took out a loan that had a variable interest rate. This meant that when rates started to spike, they couldn’t get out from under the loan. Pretty soon, in 2006-2008, you had people who had borrowed anywhere from 103%-125% of their home’s value, and now they couldn’t even make the interest payment because under the terms of their ARM, they were fucked.

And that was the subprime mortgage crisis, summed up expertly by a barely functioning adult.

What does that history lesson have to do with Trump?

I am basically a dumb ass.  I had to learn all the lessons the hard way. I bought a house in 2004 and it was a fucking disaster and I only made it work by sacrificing and by working all the time and by basically begging to refinance. It was not a high point in my life. This was in late 2005/2006, when we already knew the market was going to shit.

As a pretty dumb person, I could see the housing crash coming and knew enough to try to get out from under my loan at any cost.

What the hell was Trump thinking, then, as a self proclaimed real estate genius, to try to fire up an education program on real estate if the market was about to tank?

The answer is, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE DOES.

Multiple times, he has come in at the end of some bubble, sold a business idea or licensed his name to a business that’s gonna’ be huge, and then bails when the market crashes, leaving someone else holding the bag.

Why is this important, you ask?

Because I think he sold a bill of goods to Americans. I’ve done a fair amount of trolling lately on conservative news boards, really just doing research, actually. Well, partly doing research but partly to troll hard a bunch of idiots. Unfortunately there’s an overwhelming trend I saw by doing this, and it’s troubling as hell.

A huge percentage of people who voted for Trump actually feel like he’s going to clean up this town. And I don’t mean Make America Great Again – I mean they actually believe he’s going to come to their town and clean up whatever it is that’s the hot button issue. He’s going to Make Jerkwater, USA Great Again. If there were only a few people who made comments about him fixing their local issue, I’d chalk it up to anecdote and let it go. But over and over again, I saw a faith in Trump usually reserved for Christ. That is not hyperbole. He’s never done anything so well or so thorough to deserve this type of reverence. But here he is, with a predominant amount of his voters having faith he’s going to be the savior they’ve been waiting for, to lead them to the abortion-free promised land of no Muslims, Mexicans or marriage (of gays).

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I hope he does awesome.  I’m very skeptical, though, because he’s either actually an idiot, or he’s a fucker, and either way I’m not excited about the prospect of him being in charge of something so important.

Does it even matter, though? I mean, realistically we’re looking at the potential for sixteen years of Pence ramming his religion down our throats without our consent. Is that a dick reference? That’s for other people to decide.

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