On Javier Baez

Baseball Man

Admittedly, I had a few drinks, but honestly, a ‘few drinks me’ is the same as ‘me me’. Some friends and I ditched work on a day the United States would lose in the World Cup after an incredible run, and went to watch the Iowa Cubs play the Omaha Storm Chasers here in Des Moines in a day-night double header. This was when Russell, that fat guy with the pirate last name who broke his knee, Bryant and Baez were still at the affiliate.

We were sitting right by third and Baez was playing short that day. I kept giving him relentless shit the entire time. Mainly, I kept shouting his name when he made a play except I yelled “BAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYZZZZZZ” instead of Bye-Ez.  This went on the whole game and not once did he flinch.  This was also the day I found out I have an allergic reaction to hops. Remind me to write more about this day some time, there’s a lot of the rest of my life that started on this day.

Later on I actually forgot his name completely and just started calling him Baseball Man.  That was actually, I think, our favorite running joke of the day.  At one point he approached the short wall on a lazy pop up and I just leaned into the Baseball Man banter.

“You got this Baseball Man!”

“Great catch, Baseball Man!”

“Throw me the ball, Baseball Man!”

He didn’t acknowledge us at all, but as he turned away I yelled, “Awww, come on Baseball Man, what about the children!?!”

He didn’t throw me the ball but I swear I saw the faintest grin form as he headed back to shortstop, and that was just alright with me.

Now he is the best threat at the plate for the Scrubs and gets sucked off metaphorically by Joe Buck and whoever is in the booth with Joe Buck. I really hate Joe Buck. But I always thought Fernando Tatis was an okay baseball player and Jack Buck was a great announcer in his alive-time so I guess what I’m trying to say is everyone has something to offer and we should all try harder to see the best in people.

No, that’s not it.  What I’m actually trying to say is why the hell do Triple A teams only play seven innings during double headers?  I thought this was America, not some damned bullshit. I blame everyone getting a participation medal in soccer. We can do better, America. This happened like two years ago and I’m still pissed off I got shorted two innings of baseball. Get with the times, Baseball Men! Harrumph!

Photo Note: I didn’t get permission to use Baseball Man’s photo, but really, Baseball Man’s photo transcends silly little things like copyright laws.


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